Good evening, good morning, good golly…
It is that time again. Time to stuff our faces with turkey, watch football and wish elastic waistbands were cool. In keeping with tradition here is another installment of The Chronicles of a Lost Southerner … for some of you it may be a baptism by fire and to others it may reaffirm your fish-eye perspective of me. Hopefully y’all enjoy it either way.
What I’m thankful for this year…
I am thankful for Doug Wake. An endless well of humor and always holding out for love.
I am thankful for Canadian phonics. The only country where the plural of beer is beer. “Doug, how much can you drink? About 60 beer.”
I am thankful for Mike Mintenko bobble heads and 2004 calendar.
I am thankful for 40-hour workweeks and those who only have to work 40 hours.
I am thankful for 40’s. JBK that one’s for you.
I am thankful for Bone Thugs in Harmony. Also for JBK.
I am thankful for vices. DT and Bob that one’s for you.
I am thankful for JJ’s caller ID flashing “Therpa.”
I am thankful for Canada. “C-eh. N-eh. D-eh.”
I am thankful for swimming. Keeping a conversations going since 1994.
I am thankful for ESPN. Perpetuating the Stupid American syndrome since 1979.
I am thankful for butter-face women. Their bodies are always better.
I am thankful for the word “Juggle”. The only word in the English language with more meanings than Eskimo’s “snow”. (See “My Ode to Juggle”)
It is that time again. Time to stuff our faces with turkey, watch football and wish elastic waistbands were cool. In keeping with tradition here is another installment of The Chronicles of a Lost Southerner … for some of you it may be a baptism by fire and to others it may reaffirm your fish-eye perspective of me. Hopefully y’all enjoy it either way.
What I’m thankful for this year…
I am thankful for Doug Wake. An endless well of humor and always holding out for love.
I am thankful for Canadian phonics. The only country where the plural of beer is beer. “Doug, how much can you drink? About 60 beer.”
I am thankful for Mike Mintenko bobble heads and 2004 calendar.
I am thankful for 40-hour workweeks and those who only have to work 40 hours.
I am thankful for 40’s. JBK that one’s for you.
I am thankful for Bone Thugs in Harmony. Also for JBK.
I am thankful for vices. DT and Bob that one’s for you.
I am thankful for JJ’s caller ID flashing “Therpa.”
I am thankful for Canada. “C-eh. N-eh. D-eh.”
I am thankful for swimming. Keeping a conversations going since 1994.
I am thankful for ESPN. Perpetuating the Stupid American syndrome since 1979.
I am thankful for butter-face women. Their bodies are always better.
I am thankful for the word “Juggle”. The only word in the English language with more meanings than Eskimo’s “snow”. (See “My Ode to Juggle”)
My Ode to Juggle
Not to many words in the English language carry such meaning than does the great descriptive word - Juggle. Webster’s New World Dictionary defines Juggle: to perform skillful tricks of sleight of hand with (balls, knives, etc.). This harmless word in the past has been linked to carney foke and Phish tunes. Now it has taken on a life of its own. If you have ever been on the UNLV Men’s Swim Team between the years of 1991-present, you will appreciate the twisted metamorphism of this simple word. It’s like a tiny little caterpillar blasting out of its cocoon, a multi-colored butterfly reeking of soiled pool water and imitation leather.
Juggle encompasses all parts of speech:
Noun: What’s up juggler!?!
Adjective: That dude is a juggling nightmare.
Verb: Damn I’m juggling.
Past tense verb: Damn I juggled.
Future tense verb: Damn I’m going to juggle.
Family Names: The Jugglers.
Typical swimmers conversation with appropriate translation…
“Dude.” Hello.
“Dude.” What’s up man?
“Juggl’n?” I’m doing well, how about yourself?
“Juggl’n.” Things are going pretty good, what about yourself?
“Chainsaws.” Money is tight; I’m getting my balls busted at work/workout.
“…really.” Really.
“…Yep.” Yes.
“N-U-Tees?” How bad?
“Huevos Rancheros.” My wife/girlfriend is really busting my balls.
Best wishes to all my friends out there and safe travels for the ones who are visit’n their keen. To all my friends and family members, I would like to give thanks for having you in my life and for the memories. There have been many a things to be thankful for this year and few to mention. Let the powers you pray to at night watch over you this day. May happiness fill your heart and hungers never touch your stomach.
Remember in this session of commercialized hype and melodramatic reality shows, don’t eat the yellow snow and avoid the man with a smile on his face and a lily in his pocket. Pick your friends wisely, pick your nose often, but its never wise to pick your friends nose. Set your hair on fire and punch a hole in the sky cause it’s a free world once you sit in your assigned set and shut up. Don’t play with nukes… they’ll ruin your day and suck the paint off your house and give your family a permanent orange Afro. So when you’re done with life, come on down to the coffee shop at the end of my universe -- we’re serving Spam cakes and Red Bull at noon on the eve of this daydream. Let them come and collect your bones another day!
Happy Thanksgiving 2004
Rock on Brother Beavis!
Jarvis
